Di akhir bulan September lalu, tim saya di pekerjaan memiliki dua anggota baru. They are two young gen Z boys with couple years Payroll background. Sebelum terjun ke dunia Payroll, mereka bekerja di electronic retail store as salesman. Jadi dari kombinasi ini kira-kira bisa dibayangkan ya positive traits mereka: tech-savvy, great communication skills, high energy, and hungry to learn.
Dari jauh-jauh hari, supervisor saya sudah sounding kalau training of these two boys akan dipercayakan ke tangan saya. I was unsure at the beginning karena saya minim pengalaman in training and coaching people but I accepted the task. It’d be an interesting new experience karena selama ini orang-orang yang saya manage di tim adalah generasi boomers and millenials dengan rentang usia 45-65 tahun.
The training started well. As expected, the two boys are really smart, they are confident and fast learners. It is good right? It is until the boys became ‘impatient’ and too confident. Yang satu karena dia sangat tech-savvy, dia mempunyai banyak aspirasi untuk mengubah ini itu, template, policy, procedure, you name it. He wanted to change the world. Dan yang satu lagi, orangnya pintar bicara. Dia bilang kalau training yang saya berikan terlalu mudah untuknya. In his words: difficulty level is 1/10. Hmm oke deh.
Mendengar feedback seperti itu, saya sebagai trainer somehow jadi feels intimated. Anak-anak muda jaman sekarang pintar dan percaya diri banget ya. I’m definitely not tech-savvy and I definitely wouldn’t dare to say comments like ‘this is too easy’ within my first week of work. Karena ya namanya juga masih minggu pertama, semua masih terlihat indah dan mudah. Don’t jinx it.
Sejak itu pandangan saya ke these two boys jadi agak berubah. Saya jadi melihat mereka sebagai ‘threat’. What if they replace my job, what if they get promoted quickly? I feel insecure about myself. I feel belittled because I feel like I can’t do what they can do. I stare at all my weaknesses, and before I know it, I become timid, fearful, and I was convinced that I’m not good enough for this job.
For weeks, I had this emotional battle with insecurities. It was frustrating until God ‘rescued’ me through one song that I heard. The song is called Champion by Dante Bowe. The lyrics that got me says “I am who You say I am, You crown me with confidence. I am seated in the Heavenly place undefeated with the One who has conquered in all.”
Ketika dengar lagu itu saya langsung nangis dan seketika saya merasakan ada damai sejahtera mengalir ke dalam hati saya. Damai yang melampaui segala akal dan pikiran. I was reminded how precious I am in God’s sight. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, crafted in the image of God Himself. I am created to feel safe, secure, confident, and bold; not to live in fear. “There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18).
Setelah gambar diri saya dipulihkan, attitude saya berubah 180 derajat. Udah gak mau membanding-bandingkan diri dengan orang lain. Percaya bahwa kejadianku dahsyat dan ajaib, dan jiwaku mau benar-benar menyadarinya. Efeknya luar biasa sih karena when I learned to embrace the characteristics and abilities God has given me, I began to really like myself and enjoy the calling God has trusted me at work. I am God’s workmanship, created to do good works that brings honor to God.
God Bless (AS)
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