Tiga minggu lalu, saya dan suami pergi berlibur. That was the break we’ve been waiting for because our life in the past two months was really hectic. We enjoyed every single day of our holiday, we felt refreshed. At the end of our holiday, I was ready to go back to Perth. Saat itu, tinggal satu minggu menuju Christmas, jadi yang ada di pikiran saya, ketika kembali ke Perth, things will slow down and I can rest. Boy, I was wrong…
Beberapa jam sebelum saya boarded my flight back, a text message came in from my supervisor at work. A text message I’d never imagined to receive. Dia berkata kalau hari itu adalah last day-nya di office. She was dismissed together with the other two supervisors from the other teams. Memang, beberapa bulan terakhir ini ada political game yang berlangsung in the office and unfortunately, that was the outcome.
Sepanjang perjalanan pulang di pesawat, saya yang rencananya mau istirahat, terus terjaga. Ada seribu satu pikiran dan perasaan berkecamuk di kepala. Saya masih berusaha mencerna berita yang baru saya terima. To say that ‘I was shocked’ was an understatement. I was in total disbelief that my three mentors at work are gone, I was sad, I was upset with whoever ‘stirred the pot’, I was scared, I was anxious.
I went back to work the next morning. The first email that came up is a meeting invite from the Senior Manager whose position is three levels above my role. He filled me in on what happened and what his plan is moving forward. Now the three supervisors positions are vacant, he asked for all the Seniors in each team, including myself, to step up to the Supervisor role temporarily for the next three months.
Call me ungrateful – but I don’t want this ‘promotion’. Saya merasa belum siap untuk menjadi seorang Supervisor. Supervisor saya yang sebelumnya oke banget and I feel I don’t have what it takes to be like her. Saya happy dengan role dan workload saya sebagai seorang Senior. Saya tidak mau extra responsibility, saya tidak mau jadi lebih sibuk dari sekarang. Saya mau slow down karena saya mempunyai aspirasi lain di kehidupan pribadi yang mau saya usahakan di tahun 2025.
But in the end, I said yes to the role. Not because of the greater money the company offered, but because I care for my team. Setelah supervisor kita pergi, we are all absolutely shattered. If I don’t step up, there is no one else that will do. Jujur saya pun berat hati dengan keputusan saya sendiri. Beberapa hari pertama menjadi Supervisor, rasanya ingin nangis karena tidak tahu harus mulai dari mana. Tidak tahu bagaimana harus memimpin tim yang kondisi mentalnya lagi anjlok.
I felt helpless and stuck because there are so many things I don’t know. I was upset with God because I can’t figure out what He is doing. I questioned His plans. Until a verse from John 13:7 came to my mind: “What I am doing you do not understand now, but someday you will.” I only see what I go through right now, I only see the pain, but God sees more than I can see. He knows more than I know. He works in ways beyond our comprehension. (Isaiah 55:8-11).
I am placing 2025 in God’s hands. So many uncertainties but let God lead the way. I know He wouldn’t allow anything unless it has a purpose. He sees the bigger picture and His plans are always better than mine.
God bless and Happy New Year (AS)
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