Eleven years have passed since my mum passed away, and not a day goes by without me thinking of her. There are so many things I wish I could tell her, and my heart breaks every time I remember that I can’t. She missed so many important moments: my sister’s wedding, the birth of my two nieces, my own wedding. Grief, to me, is all the milestones she never got to witness.
People say time heals all wounds, but I don’t agree. The wounds remain. Grief doesn’t go away and it doesn’t shrink. It stays. What changes is that I grow around my grief. I still remember my mum, but those memories are no longer only painful. Now, I remember with joy and gratitude that she was part of my life. My mum taught me how to be independent, strong, and loving all at once. Her legacy lives on in me, and as I grow, I hope to carry forward all the beautiful traits she had.
Grief is deeply personal. Everyone responds to it in their own way. Some move through it quickly; others take much longer. I was the latter. In the first three months after my mum passed, I withdrew from the world. I cried every single day. I grieved like someone who had no hope. But in a world clouded by pain and heartache, I found a beacon of light in the words of Scripture: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
Those words reminded me that I wasn’t alone, even when it felt like I was.
Life is already hard on its own. Living it without a parent, without a mum, is a thousand times harder. There were so many moments when I longed for my mother’s guidance and wisdom. On difficult days, all I wanted was her love, her care, and her comforting hug, but I no longer had that. Life felt incredibly lonely, until I got married and met my mother in law.
She may not be my own mother, but I thank God for her and the way she has cared for me. From the beginning, she treated me with kindness and warmth, like I was her own daughter. One day she shared that her experience with her own mother in law had been painful, she was never treated kindly. Because of that, she made a promise to herself: that she would never treat her own daughter in law the same way. She kept that promise. And I’m so grateful she did.
Eleven years is a long time to live without a mum. But in that time, I’ve gently grown into a strength and resilience I didn’t know I had. Her absence has taught me to hold closer to the people I still have. To make time for my dad and my siblings, to savour the everyday moments, and to live with intention. Life is short, but it is also precious. And in honouring that truth, I’m learning to walk with wisdom, grace, and gratitude.
“So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)
God Bless (AS)
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